On This National Bird Day, I Am Here To Remind You That Birds Aren’t Real

Today was National Bird Day and I am here to remind you all that there is no way in hell all birds are real.

I wrote a throwaway blog early in the Pandemic when I was going slightly insane from being cooped up with my family, about how I had more evidence that birds were working for the government. Now it is almost 2 years later, I am fully off my rocker, and I am here to reinforce those statements.

There is no way in hell there are that many birds. Like you’re going to sit here and tell me that every singly little bird in these videos below is a real, living, breathing being, with thoughts, feelings, and emotions and they haven’t teamed up to overrun the planet? Like they’re all real and they just move like that without constantly running into one another?

Nah, impossible. I’m not buying that propaganda.

There is no way in hell every single bird on the planet is real. I’m calling at least 50% aren’t. The ones that are hunted (ducks, pheasants, etc.) are mostly real so no one catches on but those random little ones we all watch eat in our backyards, the pigeons that flock to cities, those big ones on the protected lists – those ones have gotta be fake. There are simply too many of them to not have overtaken the planet right now. Sure they run mostly on instinct so they don’t understand capitalism or overthrowing the government but the human race would be outnumbered to all hell. It would be easy. Birds are freaky, they can fly, and they have us outnumbered in probably every country in the world. We’ve all seen Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” (1963), it would be simple for them to do.

Yet, humans still remain in control. Why’s that? The birds aren’t real, they’re spies.

So be careful how you celebrate this National Bird Day. You could be celebrating a beautifully handcrafted KGB (Known Goventment Bird) agent.


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Featured Image: Chris Morgan of Flickr

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