Late Night Dunkin’ Conspiracy Theory For Your Insomnia

I have a Dunkin problem. You see every day after I finish my silly little tasks before 6PM CT, I go for a ride and pick up a large Dunkin (or Dunkies if you’re Keith Yandle) iced coffee. From 2PM -6PM, they’re only $2 ($2.20 with tax) so as my little treat for the day, I go pick one up. Plus I hate being in my house all day so this usually turns into an hour-long drive. Regardless, I have a Dunkies problem and I am observant so the last few months I’ve noticed something.

Think of a Dunkin Donuts straw. Just the one you get with your drink. What color is it?

You said orange and pink, the literal Dunkin Donuts brand colors? Right? Because that’s what they’ve always been. For as long as I can remember, these straws have been those two colors. I’ve given Dunkin Donuts a good chunk of all the money I’ve made in life so I’ve seen thousands of these straws.

These ones right here:

Those have always been a staple, right?

Well, about a month or so back, my dear cousin and I noticed something. I thought maybe they fucked up shipments or something because I started getting plain straws from my local Dunkin. Just plain, clear plastic ones, and I was puzzled. Like I said I thought maybe it was just my Dunkin. Then a few days later, I had my dad grab me a coffee and he went to a different (shittier) Dunkin and they also had clear straws. Now having random straws is something I would expect from this other, shittier Dunkin (I worked there for two weeks and I am 1000% allowed to say that it’s shittier) but usually, my other, new, good Dunkin is on the ball. This tipped me off that something was amiss though.

So one day, probably a Saturday, I went to get an iced coffee – from the good Dunkin – and my cousin, Jess, who lives about 30 minutes east of me almost in Indiana, was over at my house. So as we’re talking I pointed out how they have different straws at Dunkin (we talk about dumb shit like this, don’t judge us). She ALSO pointed out how the straws over at her Dunkins are also clear now and it confused her too. So this means the clear straws were not an accidental shipment to the local stores, this was a full-fledged thing now if it went across two states. Even when I went into the city last week, my straw was clear.

This got us thinking though. For what reason would Dunkin get rid of their trademarked orange/pink – literally called DD Orange, DD Pink, and DD Brown – straws? They couldn’t possibly be out of money to buy and/or make them. They’re a multi-million dollar corporation with 12,600 stores in 40 countries worldwide. They got the money.

Well, my cousin and I came up with one answer.

In years past we all remember the push for plastic straws to be no more. We all remember the paper and metal straws, some Starbucks switched lids to eliminate the need for straws, some Dunkin drinks also have strawless lids. Petitions online have called for Dunkin to nix the plastic straw altogether. Dunkin’ has tested out more biodegradable straws in the past. What I’m trying to say is there have been a large number of eyes on Dunkin and how many of their straws end up in the ocean.

We’ve all seen videos of sea turtles getting straws pulled from their noses and yes it’s heartbreaking every time. BUT when they pull that straw out, what is the first thing you look at? What color the straw is. If it’s white with a yellow and red stripe right away you know it’s a McDonald’s straw. If it’s green, it’s a Starbucks straw.

But if that sucker is orange and pink, you know it’s Dunkin.

SO on that note, I am proposing the (conspiracy) theory that Dunkin switched their straws to clear so no one really knows how much plastic they’re dumping in the ocean. For years people have been on them about how much they contribute to the plastic-in-the-ocean problem. They’ve had people at their doorsteps saying “see! See what the plastic you distribute is doing!” Well, well, well, take away one of the most identifiable things about them, and who has to know, ya know? I’m just throwing this one out there. Maybe the Midwest has a shortage of the iconic straws, maybe I’m right, who’s to say?

This has been rattling around in my little rat brain as I keep buying Dunkin iced coffees (despite getting my own iced coffee maker) and I had to share. I’m genuinely interested if more Dunkin’s have switched to clear straws so please let me know on Twitter if your local Dunkin has or not. I may be sleep-deprived and a bit high but I’m holding onto this theory. Let me know.


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Featured Image:  Dunkin Donuts 
(Don't sue me for defimation. I'm 21, broke as hell, and can't make my own iced coffee as well as you do, Dunkin. ❤️)

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