That title is a lie, I have 379 words to be precise.
Just shank me with a rusty needle, it’ll hurt less.
Chicago sports have just kicked me in the shins, simultaneously, with a jack hammer but no one has hit harder today than the Cubs. The Chicago Cubs have traded Anthony Rizzo and it’s just a matter of time before we lose Kris Bryant and/or Javier Baez too.
Rizzo, who has been my favorite Cub since I was like 12, was shipped off to the fuckin’ Yankees for NOTHIN. Two prospects do not equal Anthony fuckin’ Rizzo. The guy who put this team on his back time and time and time again. The guy who was Captain and he didn’t need a C stitched into the jersey to lead. This trade might eclipse the Panarin trade on my list of “Trades that Broke My Heart”. It jumped straight to #1. Ricketts family, eat my left ass cheek – full Hannibal Lector style- like what are we doing here? You shipped the captain out for nothin’. And most of all, you did that first. This would still sting if KB was the first go go but no, off the bat, you send out our boy Rizzo. I’m just heartbroken.
It’s even worse too because now we’re just waiting with borrowed breath for Kris Bryant to get shipped out too. The clip of him just sitting, taking it all in absolutely obliterated my soul. How can we lose all of our boys now? How did we fuckin’ get to this. I’m just gonna lay on the floor and cry about it for a while. I’ve never identified with Tauriel in the Hobbit more than this moment:
Now we just sit and wait for our hearts to get shredded even more. We have to wait for Bryant and/or Javy Baez to get traded and then the HD team photos of Anthony Rizzo’s last frolic around Wrigley. Today is a bad day, from every fucking side. I’m gonna go lay on the floor and listen to Moments by One Direction. It’s the perfect song right now.
Update: OWWWWWWWW
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