Weird History Pipeline: My Great Great Granddaddy and The Guy Who Shot Him Tried To Bring Clean Water To New York And Now I Have To Pay A $12 Bank Service Fee

I have a list of people I’m going to fist fight in Hell, long story, but I add to it as time goes on. So I checked my bank account this afternoon — it’s Chase. I’m 21 and unemployed — and I noticed that once again those rats took $12 from my account for a “monthly service fee”. So like any rational person I googled “who founded Chase bank” to see which bastard I’m going to have to fight in hell for installing an outrageous fee just because I didn’t deposit at least $500 this month.

When you google that, it tells you that “John Thompson” is the founder of Chase bank and there is a little “History of Our Firm” page and of course I love Wikipedia rabbit holes so I clicked on it.

That’s when I found out something truly mind blowing.

According to Chase’s website, their history really goes back to 1799. The original form of JPMorgan Chase was called The Manhattan Company. The Manhattan Company had two very well known founders: Alexander Hamilton (I’m a Hamilton he’s my great great grandaddy) and Aaron Burr (the bitch that shot my great great grandaddy). The Manhattan Company was hired by the State of New York to bring drinking water to New York City and it’s bolstering population. The state said that with the extra funds the Manhattan Company could start up some banking operations to they opened The Bank of The Manhattan Company– the first form of Chase Bank that we know today.

Via Chase Bank’s Website

The opening of this bank fucked over great great granddaddy Alexander because it destroyed the monopoly he had over banking in NYC. This caused Alexander to break ties with the Manhattan Company, another sever between Hamilton and Burr just 5 years before Burr shots Ham’s ass. Two men who were friends(ish)/co-workers for decades, who had a rivalry so fierce there is a musical about it are the reason I have to pay a dumb ass $12 monthly service fee. Don’t get me started on the fucking overdraft fee.

So the moral of the story is Aaron Burr, when I see you in Hell, we’re first fighting twice. You have found a way to be a pest in my life 200 years after you done fucked up. John Thomson gets a slap in the face, same to Alexander. I like weird domino effects like this, it’s crazy how life moves and flows. I’m still annoyed about that fee though.

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Featured Image:  Know your meme, edited by me

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