RIP to This Can of Coors Light

Today, we’re paying our respects to one specific can off Coors Light. This can has been in my life 3 months and it’s provided many laughs, many good times. It’s time for a proper sendoff.

For my 21st birthday back in November, my cousin made me this nice beer cake comprised of Coors Light and a bottle of Jim Beam. I’m not a Coors guy but regardless, I have enjoyed the cake.

This is where we meet this beer can in question. The night of your 21st, you obviously get absolutely housed with so many different kinds of drinks and that’s exactly what happened on mine back in November. I came home after all the drinks and hoopla to the great beer cake. I thought I could keep going so I cracked one of the Coors, took 2 sips and promptly threw up for a good 20 minutes. I came out for cake, threw up again, and just went to sleep. Instead of throwing the can away (like a normal person), my mom thought it would be funny to put that beer with 2 sips gone, back into the cake and throw that on my desk for my hungover ass to deal with later.

When disassembling the cake about 3 weeks later (I’m a lazy sack of shit, I know) I realized that this can was in there. Instead of throwing it away (like a normal person), I put it next to my desk. I thought it was a funny joke to have and it has a story so sure, let’s keep the open can of beer as decor.

Well here’s what I forget, uhh shit tends to mold if you just leave it exposed to air for 3 months. So today I peaked inside the dear can and sure enough, there is mold of every colour in there. I’ve been just casually breathing this shit in as I’ve worked at my desk for almost 3 months. No wonder my asthma has been terrible.

Although I loved the story and it had a good run, I must say goodbye and memorialize the deer sweet Coors can. It never knew how many good times we’d have when it was molded by cheap aluminum and shipped to a liquor store on the South Side of Chicago. Play the taps as I chuck this into the recycling bin and pray to God the squirrels don’t eat any of the mold.