Happy Leif Erikson Day!

Happy Leif Erikson day, everyone!

Fuck Christopher Columbus for two reasons. 1. Dude sucked. 2. He gets credit for shit he never even did? He never stepped foot on North America, why do we give so much of a shit about him?

Plus- look at that ugly mug. He’s number 4 on my list of historical people I’d punch and 50% of the reason he’s that high is because of his face.

Wanna know who did step foot in America, 500 years before Columbus’s bitch ass was ever even born?

That’s right! Leif fuckin Erikson.

Erikson was born between 970 and 980. He comes from a long line of explorers- both voluntary and forced explorers. His father, Erik the Red, colonized Greenland after he was exiled from Iceland sometime after Leif was born. Erik the Red established a settlement there in 986 so that was where Leif spent most of his life before he set sailing.

Leif Erikson was (allegedly) blown off course while sailing between Greenland and Iceland which took him to the shores of Vinland (it’s really just Canada). He never settled here: he landed there, tried to convert people to Christianity, his brother got murked, then he stole some kids, and went home. There continued to be some trade there but the Vikings never set up shop on the continent.

Some people will say that he wasn’t blown off course, it was really this merchant Bjarni Herjolfsson. Leif just heard about Vinland from him and then he sailed over. Fuck that, we’re sticking with the Leif story on this one. He comes from a line of sailors who were constantly finding new places so it makes sense.

There is always such a huge race for “who discovered America” and the answer is-

No one did. There were already people living here. BUT as for which European stepped on the continent first, it sure as shit wasn’t that ugly fuck Columbus.

I’d put my money on it being big Leif here. Is he a shitty guy like Columbus was? No, I don’t think so but we could do without the kidnapping. Overall, he got a little lost and ended up in Canada thus starting one of the biggest moments in Global history.

So happy Leif Erikson day everyone! Celebrate with a beer and binge-watching all of Vikings.

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