Tales from the Woods: Cave Cows and Oliver

So this weekend I went away for a few days. I got off Twitter, went out to a cabin in the middle of the woods, and spent time with a shit ton of cows. I’m from Chicago and I’ve spent a lot of my life in the fast paced city and suburbs. I never went to a farm camp or spent much time out at one but I’ve always wanted to. So with a need to destress and clear my head, my cousin and I packed up the car.

This weekend, we went up to western Wisconsin – out in farm country with little cell service and more cattle than people. The sky was so open up there, this was the view from our back deck.

It was just hills and hills of trees and crops, no city noise just the animals. Wherever you were on the property, you could heard the cows moo-ing all the time. 

I have no idea how many cows the people who owned this place had but it had to be about 200. This is just a small group of them that hung out mostly on the front lawn but the cow enclosure went all the way back to the woods behind that road. Like look at them and their little (fly-covered) faces.

BUT did you know that cows climb kinda like goats?! I didn’t either. As I mentioned, the cow enclosure goes all the way back into the woods. Well in those words, there was a cave so when we went to go check it out. Low and behold, we discovered that it was filled with 14 cows. Right when we got there 4 cows up and left but inside that cave were still 10 other cows, just chillin’ out. You can’t see them too well in this picture but look for the little green tags on their ears. 

They literally were just laying around in this cave. They didn’t seem to have too many flies on them here and this is why I think so.

This entire ground area in front of the photo is mud- like squishy and fresh. Well mixed into that mud is a lot of cow shit. When the cows were walking into the cave, they stopped at the front and shit, therefore the flies that were on them hopped off and went onto the cowshit. I think these cows made a shit line so the flies would stay off of them while they chill in the nice cool cave and moo at people who try to enter. Smart cows, right?

Also look at this one scratch it’s head on a rock.

Now the freedom was amazing and the cows were cute but this was my favorite part of the whole trip.

My dream, since I was little, was that a stray animal would show up at my door and I would take them in and they’d be my buddy. Well this weekend, my dream came true.

Not more than 2 minutes after we arrived at the house we stayed in, this little orange cat was sitting at our front door, looking in. I immediately went outside to see if it was friendly and low and behold that kitty was a sweetheart. Orange and scrawny, I called ’em Oliver. Yes, like Oliver and Company. I think it was a girl but fuck if I know so I switched back and forth with gendered terms all weekend. I’m more of a dog person because a lot of cats are scary and run away but Oliver reveled in the attention and just liked to hang out and sit with me.

Oliver loved neck scratches and french fries – she also liked Triscuits but after I shared my fries with her she didn’t give a single fuck about plain ass crackers. She would appear at the doors in the house and just stare inside. We didn’t let her in but she lived in the little barn across from us and visited randomly. The most photos I have from this weekend are literally of Oliver. I can’t help it, when I see a cute animal I must befriend it.

Leaving Oliver was the saddest thing I had to do. If my family wasn’t allergic, you bet your ass she could have came home with me and we would have been best friends. Alas, genetics say “fuck you” once again. 😦 

Oliver, if you see this, which I highly doubt because you’re a barn cat from Wisconsin, I miss you.


(You can’t see in this video but when I was saying goodbye this morning, she was making biscuits on the pavement.)

Well, those are my tales from the woods. I have a lot more – the jacuzzi bleached my Malkin shirsey (which I’m pissed about), the basement looked like a serial killer’s lair, we ate at a boat bar where you could park your boat and then go drink. It was a fantastic time.

I do have to say that getting away from Twitter and work was really good for me this weekend. I let myself get so worked up about Twitter and then I just end up in a shitty mood. I feel like I’m failing at things and I forget that I’m only 20-years-old. I don’t allow myself to have time. Well, this weekend I had time. Life in a city is so fast paced compared to being in the countryside.

But to go out and spend time away from it all – just be secluded from the world, hanging out with animals? That’s my dream.

One day, if I live to retire, I’ve always said that I would want to move into a cabin in the woods, somewhere cold, and just live that simple life. Own some horses, maybe write a book, spend my days drinking coffee with the sunrise.

That’s a “one day, maybe” thing though but this weekend I got to see if that’s something for me. And turns out it is. So my advice? Get the fuck off twitter and go off to a cabin in the woods, befriend an adorable homeless cat, and chill out. Tomorrow, I’m back on my regularly scheduled Sports blog-animating-coffee chugging bullshit but for today? Just take it easy.


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Featured Image: Myself

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