I Have More Evidence that the Birds Work for the Government

By now, we all know that the birds work for the bourgeoisie.

ICYMI, all of the birds died in 1986 due to Regan killing them and replacing them with spies that are now watching us. The birds work for the bourgeoisie, don’t forget. (x)

Now not all birds work for the government of course. Crows are spies on the side of the people, often being companions and bringing gifts.

But as for others, they’re watching. Have you ever seen birds on a wire? That’s how they recharge. This is the anatomy of these birds:

Vis this twitter account


The coils charge the battery when thee birds are sitting on a wire, why else are they up there?

But something has gone wrong. There has been rumor during this quarantine that the government has created this so they can recharge the bird’s batteries.

But I have discovered something that may change that.

Today, as I was sick of being inside, I went to send some mail and grab Dunkin. While on my travels, I nearly ran over 9 birds. The birds kept landing in the road, and wouldn’t move even when I got close. They literally sat there as I slowed down and then either ran on their toothpick legs or flew to the curb.

The other weird thing about this was they weren’t landing on the sidewalks, just the road.

At first, I was like “okay, that’s a dumb bird” but then it kept happening. I thought maybe it’s just me because weird shit happens around me all the time. Like every light I park under, ends up going out. So I was like “probs just me, sorry birds”.

There were 3 birds that I saw who were actually hit by other cars. So this wasn’t just happening to me. Luckily, I didn’t hit any of the birds I came across.

That got me thinking.

Why are all of these birds tryin’ to die? Isn’t the government supposed to be resetting their batteries?

And then it dawned on me.

The government knows that we’re onto their birds. They know that we’re going to be untrusting of them from now on and there are way too many “agents” (birds) so they have to get rid of some.

The government is trying to bide time with the quarantine but people are still going out. So how do you get rid of extra agents and make people stay home? Having the birds divebomb in front of cars is the best way to do that.

If you hit an animal while driving, you’re more likely to want to take a break from driving, barring you’re not a sociopath who doesn’t care if they hit a bird. So the government gets a win-win from this with fewer agents and fewer people out and about.

It all makes perfect sense. Two BIRDS one stone.

Stay vigilant out there everyone, the birds are making moves.

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Featured Image: Pigeons Aren't Real

2 thoughts on “I Have More Evidence that the Birds Work for the Government

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