There is not much I absolutely don’t believe in in this world i.e. religion, love at first site, the verdict that OJ didn’t do that shit, the fact that soccer is the sport of the future, etc. etc.
But one thing I ABSOLUTELY do not fucks with is full moons and Friday the 13th. Don’t get me wrong, astrology is bullshit, but if you can look back at every full moon and Friday the 13th of your life the results will terrify you. I first started paying attention in college when my mom would call me on a Thursday night and be like “Careful, sonny boy, tomorrow is a full moon AND Friday the 13th”.
“Ya okay psycho, I’ll be fine”.
And I shit you not every time one or both of those happened at the same time it accounted for one of the most wild “Fuck, We should have just stayed in” nights of both mine and my roommates lives. Now I could go back, look at the moon schedule, calendar, cross reference it with social media posts and tell you exactly the events of those nights, but I’m too lazy to do that shit. All I vaguely remember is there were broken bones, fights, arrests, breakups, and perfectly good dropped burritos in the streets.
Now I know what your thinking “Jaco, don’t you think this is due to the copious amounts of alcohol consumed, and not because of the day of the week or alignment of the earth in the universe that these nights went sideways?” No. Absolutely not. I do no blame the vegas bombs, vodka waters, vodka redbulls, alabama waters, irish car bombs, pitchers of beers, and dumpy shots (google that shit its fucked). I don’t blame that one bit, because there was something else in the air.
These reasons are why I URGE you all to take this Friday night and stay the fuck in doors! On December, 13, 2019 there are no sports on (unless you really want to watch Bulls vs. Hornets or some shit), there was a full moon last night on Decemeber, 12 2019. Which is why I am here to help you with a list of the most underrated movies in our lifetime, aka since 2000ish cuz I’m not guna get in an argument online with a bunch of old geezer’s about ‘Serpico’. You probably are just getting home from finals week at college and want to rip it up with the old gang, but before you do, ponder this list, see what peaks your interest, and just thing for a second. You got a month off. If after reading the list and you want to dance with the devil, fine, DM me and I’ll meet you at Dan D’ Jac’s. But just know there is historical data that says you have a choice to not think “We should have just stayed in” when you wake up on the morning of Saturday December 13, 2019, with only one football game to look forward to at 7pm.
Without further ado, the top 10 most underrated movies you’ve probably never seen, that can save your life/well being tonight. You’re welcome in advance. Tweet me with horror or redemption stories in the AM/ early PM tomorrow…
AUTHOR’S NOTE: I’ll be giving a few small descriptions of each movie, and I why I love it. But all you people have IMDB so if my description isn’t enough to entice you, go figure it out. Also, I will make a summation of an overused movie phrase right here. “Well Shot, Well Directed, Well Written, and Well Edited” = A movie that is done so well you don’t eve notice while watching it. You forget to take a piss break, check your phone minimally, and you feel like you’re really there. So in the essence of saving myself the time of typing it and yourself the time of reading “Man this movie is so Well Shot, Well Directed, Well Written, and Well Edited” for every one, just assume it is so, unless otherwise noted.
- RUSH (2013) – Directed by Ron Howard (The kid from HAPPY DAYS, i think, the show w/ Phonsi, either way his whole family is crazy talented and makes one hell of a film). Starring Chris Hemsworth (Thor, the hot one) not the one Miley threw to the curb or the knockoff Hemsworth from Westworld. It’s the story of 2 Formula 1 drivers in the 70’s back when those guys would die like every race and the music is dope.
- WHIPLASH (2014) – Miles Teller (That young kid who’s apparently a dick in real life, but idk) and JK Simmons (The Dad from JUNO, and the Farmer’s Insurance Commercials) Its all about a kid fighting his way to make the lead drum chair or something at the prestigious Juliard School of Music. Fun fact, I was once catfished by a girl claiming to be form the Juliard school of music. So Juila Vancova if you’re out there (or the kid from HS who hated me that catfished me with the fake profile) just know people don’t forget.
- WARRIOR (2011) – Joel Edgerton, Tom Hardy Nick Nolte, probably should be #1 on this list. Story about MMA fighters that is easily the best shot ,directed, written, etc one on the list.
- THE PRESTIGE (2006) – Probably one of the best well known movies on the list, but it puts that other piece of dog shit, magician movie from the same time THE ILLUSIONIST with Ed Norton, to shame. A Chris Nolan Film Starring Christian Bale, Hugh Jackan (and a little bit of David Bowie), will blow your mind.
- ALPHA DOG (2006) – True story. Justin Timberlake crushes it. Emile Hirsche (THE GIRL NEXT DOOR).
- THE DROP (2014) – Maybe my favorite hidden gem on this list. The story line is based on a short story written by Dennis Lehane, the same guy who wrote the book that the movie MYSTIC RIVER is based on (Ever heard of it!?. I always believe movies based on book are better because the outline is there with infinite details, and the director has the ability to pick and choose important elements, and often has a higher chance of knocking it out of the park. Starring Tom Hardy, it is also the last movie James Gandolfini (SOPRANOS) appears in before his death. M. Night Shamalan wishes he could write a movie this thrilling.
- THE WATCH (2012) -The only comedy on the list and thats for a reason. Rating sites give it no justice. If you love movies that will give you and your buddies one liners to quote for years check this one out. Don’t watch it with your girlfriend, she won’t get it. Ben Stiller is the manager of a Costco and aliens come. Oya and Vince Vaughn, and Jonah Hill are his best friends. Chuckles and quotes start to finish.
- MLB PRESENTS THE 2016 WORLD SERIES CHAMPION CHICAGO CUBS OFFICIAL DVD (2016) – If you don’t like happiness, underdogs, the greatest party of the millennium, then don’t watch, fuck you.
- Any & Every Movie starring Nic Cage
- LAWLESS (2012) – Can’t believe I almost forgot this one, Idk what to tell you Tom Hardy makes a hell of a film. Story of some moon shining brothers, Tom Hardy, Guy Pearce (plays the villain, guy from Memento), Jason Clark (guy from Zero Dark Thirty who bludgeons terrorists in interrogation), and one of my underrated personal favorites Shia Lebeouf. I respect the fuck out of Shia, much like I do Miley Cyrus, for breaking out of the typecast Disney molds and becoming full blown forces in the industry. Some might say they went insane, I think they did it because they had to to make America forget Even Steven and Hannah Montana, and they did it perfectly… Oya and Jessica Chastain too…
Like I said If you want more info, use IMDB you bastards, cuz uploading all of the movie posters is a bitch. Also all of these movies are WSWDWWWE approved: “Well Shot, Well Directed, Well Written, and Well Edited” So remember make good choices tonight kids. And DM @ham_sports or @fasthandshams your stories about staying in and enjoying one of these gems tonight, or ignoring my advice and pissing on your parents carpet. The night is young.
Featured Image: mxdwn Movies