2019: Ohio State 100 – Wisconsin 7. Guna be a bloodbath. Who Cares. On to the actual greatest game of the decade.
December 5, 2015
The Michigan State Spartans take on the Undefeated Iowa Hawkeyes. Experts had Iowa going 8-4 at best (and by experts I mean me and my dipshit friends). The winner would go to the first inaugural College Football playoff. I was living in Louisville at the time with a few other distinguished Iowa alums, and with most of our Hawkeye brethren now living in Chicago, we all decided to head to the nations capital for the B1G game: Indianapolis, Indiana.
I was in charge of the last minute hotel plans and I don’t have any pictures but you should probably be thankful for that. Imagine the hotel rooms in Psycho and Bates Motel, but worse. The TV had and turn knob with 5 channels, the comforters had blood stains, the lock on the door didn’t work and to cap it off, the “hotel” was adjacent to…a truck stop. As a bunch of young males the lot lizards cat calls were aggressive and abundant. So we decided upon arrival to keep all our shit locked in the car and to get out of south Indy and straight to the stadium ASAP.
This is when the fun shit starts. We met up with other friends at a bar under a bridge in downtown Indy, right near Lucas Oil Stadium and the environment was raucous.
I don’t know who this sexy couple is, but boy do they seem to be having a good time. The bar ran out of before before the game even started (not to brag). I also heard this girl went home with an MSU fan who was giving out free cocaine, and this guy puked in the hallway at Lucas Oil, but again these are just rumors I’ve heard.
The tailgate scene outside the stadium was glorious as well. Iowa fans were riding high, if only they knew what was around the corner.
What a sexy man we have here. Gassing beers and ready for the B1G game. We tailgated hard, but knew we would be able to buy beer inside because it was an NFL stadium.
SPOILER: There was no alcohol inside the stadium.
To make matters worse I sauntered to my seat having a pity party over the beer situation only to see this fucking asshole is sitting behind me.
MSU fan rocking his receiver gloves. I know the world is now well aware of guys who wear receiver gloves to games, but I have been on the “FUCK THEM” train since probably 2010. They’re not even team gloves. Just his stinky ass gloves from his sophomore year of high school before his fat ass quit to do shot put on the track and field team because nobody gets cut. Fuck him, whatever.
The game began and suddenly the high dose of adrenaline started to out weight my crippling hangover that was developing because the NCAA sucks butt. The first half went off in typical B1G fashion. 6-3 Iowa at half. Leaders and Legends all on display in this defensive battle.
Then in the 4th quarter Teavon Smith caught a touchdown pass right in our corner of the endzone. It was the single greatest sports moment I’ve ever been apart of live. I’m pretty sure I turned around and told gloves kid some very graphic comments about his mother/grandmother/dog. If I played the tape back I’d probably cringe at the obscenities that came out of my mouth but Iowa was up 13-10 in the 4th quarter, of the B1G championship, with a hurt Connor Cook at QB for MSU, with time expiring (And fuck that kid for wearing gloves, his dad shoulda wore a glove years ago).
And Then… One play for the whole season… As time expired…And…
Dead. So crushed. I remember walking in the concourse seeing the other Black and Gold Zombies… None of us made eye contact, just mumbling…”We had it” “What happened?”. Nobody said a word and we all wound up back at the bar under the bridge continuing to drink all the liquor they had, since they ran out of beer. And In a courageous move to avoid being milked by lot lizards back at our South Indy hotel everybody just…drove home.
Some to Louisville. Some to Chicago. One soldier stayed behind to drink nose beers and commiserate with the enemy. It was the toughest of defeats, but when I look back on the ride, It was the greatest game of the decade.
PS: There’s a million more hilarious details to this story that I am hoping to recap with the degenerates involved in podcast form. Stay Tuned.
Featured Image: Axiom Images